Don’t ‘should’ all over yourself!

Confused, frustrated and searching for something more, I found myself sitting at a Café bar writing down a stream of thoughts that were seeking to be understood.

I was haunted by this burdening question; “Why am I not where I should be yet?”


That precious “S” word that serves no point or person.

I understand how challenging it can be to resist the temptation to ‘should‘ all over ourselves, especially in our world where it’s all about the hard and fast hustle now.

I was giving myself a hard time for not achieving my goals as quickly as I thought I should. That is when I had to stop myself in my tracks. Telling myself that I had done f@*! all to achieve my goals, was unsurprisingly, making me frustrated. That is when I uncovered the simple practice below that helped me to refocus and realise that Now, here, is exactly where I ‘should’ be!

I realized that my frustration was stemming from the desire to achieve more. So my ‘should’ had led me to this idea of ‘more’.


Another precious word. ‘More’ is a concept rooted in relativity. So, ‘more’ relative to what? Chances are, we have ‘more’ now than ever before and yet still, we search.

I have learned that we can all experience ‘more’ in our lives right now by choosing to change our focus. The quickest way to do that is through practicing gratitude. It literally forces us to focus on the positive abundance present right now. And so my Step Two was born!

I think it is great that we are all en route to bettering our lives and ourselves, but wow, can we also just take a breath for a moment. In this race for achievement, how many of us fail to look down at where our feet are currently planted, and recognise how much of what we are seeking is already there in front of us, waiting to be seen.

There is no ‘path’ to get on, we are already on it.  Luck is when opportunity meets preparedness and opportunity is always present. Open your eyes to what is already here now.

So these are the three steps I took to stop ‘shoulding’ all over myself and to reclaim my calm.

  1. Make a list of all the things you have done in the past 6months in order to move towards your goal, list everything from the big to the seemingly small. Acknowledge and appreciate every step you have taken.
  2. Write out 10 things you are Grateful for now. We all need a future vision to pursue so we continue to grow, but we must also remember all that we have now so that we enjoy the journey too.
  3. Look up at the stars and recognise our obscurity. Little flecs of dust, floating on a tiny blue dot called earth. So irrelevant to the vastness of the Universe. What else would the purpose of our life here be if not to enjoy it. Life itself is such a bizarre concept to ponder, a stroke of magic that we even exist, that all of this works. Let this be a reminder to keep our challenges in perspective. And most importantly, to do our utmost to enjoy the journey. One step at a time.

In the end, everything is going to be okay. And if it’s not okay, then it’s not the end”

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